Dagger of Ice.

I let the dagger of ice sink its teeth, Bite deep into the depths my gut.

I want the pain to burn my emotions away into faded embers. I want to let the fire consume me.

Bathe me in agony, make me scream, torture me, burn me. Hurt me.

Destroy every piece of love I hold. I want to feel nothing. To sink into the abyss of apathy.

Yet it does not hurt.
It does not spill blood.
It heals.

It numbs away all my care. My resolve to move on only becomes stronger.

I don’t want to wallow in misery. I want to leave this phase, this circumstance filling my mind from dawn till sleep. Late night regrets, screaming at my own vain, foolish beliefs.

The dagger sinks slowly, caressing me with it’s pointyness, dissolving all the pent up hurt. I shatter my illusions, welcoming bland reality with open, empty arms.

It sinks deep, as deep as it can. And I love it. Stay here, distract me from the rejection I face around me. I don’t want the emotions I feel to run my life. Take away my pleasure and numb my pain, make my mind clear and blank.

Emptiness.

Every twitch of the knife is another fragment of a dream fragmenting into dust.

_______________________________________

I wrote this to describe emotional pain, in it’s extremity.
Self-harm is also psychologically along similar lines, cutting to escape emotional pain.
If you’re wondering, I do not cut, nor am I depressed.

41 thoughts on “Dagger of Ice.”

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  1. “If you’re wondering, I do not cut, nor am I depressed.”
    I feel the ‘numbness’ in this sentence.
    Maybe I’m not in the right state of mind to understand all the ‘Parables’ you’ve written which might as well be friction but sounds more like facts than friction to my reading eyes and my hearing ears (as I hear the ‘silent whispers’ of my eyes while it scrolls through the words).
    Whatever it is my dear, hurt is a test of our sense of feeling and numbness is a kind of feeling that translates to not feeling anything.
    Sweetheart, snap out of that feeling, let go of whatever it is and move on. Might not seem to be as easy as I sound but it is actually way easier. You just need a distraction, you need someone to talk to and a big warm hug to melt that ‘ice’.

    Liked by 1 person

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    1. Thank You, Tola. 🙂
      No, what I said was true, however, the post was about hurt and pain.
      You’re correct in what you say, it isn’t easy, and I’m touched by this message. I’ll edit the Post Script now.

      Liked by 1 person

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  5. The sensation of pain transitions from perception to shock or response. Then the pain can be short and dissipate or be sustained constantly remind you.

    Pain, more specifically the experience of it is so subjective that we sometimes cannot explain it.

    This was a good read.

    Liked by 2 people

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    1. I had to read this twice to be sure of what you were trying to say.
      I agree, we cannot, pain is always different, be it short and stabbing or a dull ache, depending on the cause. The more dear the cause, the more we prolong it.
      Thank You for commenting!

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  7. I was almost frightened in the beginning, thank goodness you don’t cut and neither are depressed. You are certainly very empathetic. I liked it from the poetic point of view, has a beautiful extraordinary rhyme. And it made me shiver and feel the excruciating pain all along, in each line and word. You’re a wonderful writer! 🙂
    Take care, best wishes.

    Liked by 2 people

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    1. As Rura88 commented above, We all feel different kinds of pain. I felt this, and described it. Thank you, I do write for effect! Unfortunately, I can’t get my rhyme, beat and meter correct, so I’ll stick to prose, it doesn’t require the precision you have and I lack.
      You too.

      Liked by 1 person

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      1. Oh please, I am one of the dumbest person possible and am used to hearing ‘good-for-nothing’ phrases. But I know you certainly are great! (very honest and heartfelt). I’ll enjoy all that you write, be it prose or poetry, all are beautiful, there is something unique and impressive in each. A good writer writes well in any form. 😄
        Good day.

        Liked by 1 person

      4. No offense, Udit, but depression feels like millions of sharp, stabbing pains that almost never stop. Trust me. I am an expert on the subject, both personally and professionally. I studied psychology for four years and am now going through it. I get better and worse.

        Liked by 1 person

      5. But you commented previously that you weren’t depressed.
        Anyway, on the subject, I never meant for it to describe depression, simply sharp emotional pain. I felt that, wrote about it, but I don’t think I’m depressed.

        Liked by 1 person

    2. I really could have written the same response as Ms. Harmonie here. But I would have actually elaborated to say that I actually have felt and do sometimes feel exactly how this poem was written. I went through a tough time in my teens, but I never actually cut myself. I’m very glad that Udit is not depressed. Depression really, really sucks.

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      1. I originally didn’t write this about depression, or anything close to it But to describe sharp, stabbing emotional pain. Later on I realised that it could be interpreted in these ways.
        Thank You for your concern. 🙂

        Liked by 1 person

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